Can I just come in, don’t worry, you are not in any trouble?
Today we had a visit from a police officer. My dealing with the police has been minimal up to this point in my life mostly because I have been a law abiding citizen for all of my life! Before all this I had one dealing with the police when I had witnessed another person make a threat against a friend. For Gerard, his dealing had been the night our son died in our arms- the police blue lighted him to the hospital in time for him to say goodbye and kiss his son one last time. This is the 6th police officer that has been in my home in the last 5 weeks. The variable- he who remains nameless or under a false name. All of these fine officers have set foot in my home as a direct result of Speedy G’s death and he who remains nameless or under a false name hereby known as ‘poo bug’ which is what Grace calls him!
So after Speedy G was quite literally ripped from our lives, the ‘poo bug’ began a reign of terror- harassment, intimidation and threats. I have been very lucky in my life up to now that I have never been on the receiving end of this kind of behaviour but the ‘poo bug’ apparently thought that immediately after my dog died and it was entirely his fault that now would be a good time to start abusing and harassing me.
He films me, he snarls at Grace as she plays in the garden, he roars abuse at me, he makes threats- ‘I don’t discriminate so you better watch your back’- how very equal opps of you dear sir! He intercepts my path home, he follows me around the park, he skulks over and back in front of my house dragged by his dog over and over for hours and hours throughout the day. He backed me into such a corner that I felt even with a £10,000 vet’s bill hanging over me that I could justify the cost of CCTV cameras to act as a deterrent but also to restore some of the peace of mind that had been shattered along with my heart.
Given that the victims to date had all been women, elderly people, disabled people and children I deduced that the threat was probably not massive, but my Sarabi spirit set in with the intimidation of my child thrown into the mix. Coupled with the filming of us as we carried on about our business I could not take the risk as to assume the ‘poo bug’s’ motivation. Up until a few weeks ago I would have never believed that a grown man would make scary faces at a 4 year old under any circumstances let alone the situation we were in so now all bets are off as to what I would bet this man has the potential to do to my child- and this frightens me to my core. Children are sacrosanct and those who seek to harm children in any capacity are held in the worst esteem.
Imagine my surprise when the police came to enquire about my CCTV. A complaint had been made that my CCTV was pointing directly into a certain ‘poo bug’s’ garden. If you are familiar with the set up of our road you will know that this is just slightly inaccurate given that our road directly faces the park- there is no way our CCTV could directly face another person’s garden or home! Well, maybe a squirrel nest but I feed the squirrel so I am sure he will forgive me. The police officer in question did not really need his training to deduce this. Having checked our set up and offered us some helpful hints and tips he went on his way.
My frustration lies in the fact that the ‘poo bug’ who complained is the very reason why we had to install the CCTV in the first place. I did not come from a violent household, I did not witness violence to any degree in my childhood, thankfully. My experiences of violence are limited to seeing drunken bar brawls when I worked in Shit Rock all those years ago. When this ‘poo bug’ ripped from our arms a member of our family, a very important piece of our home, he simultaneously invaded our home with an anger and a threat of violence that we were not prepared for.
There is a physical side effect to grief that no one talks about. Studies have shown that the physical effects of bereavement can be as traumatic as a car crash. This happened to me- a diagnosis almost 6 years in the making- chronic fatigue syndrome, without a doubt caused by the trauma of losing my infant son. No cure, just careful management. I am a patient at the Linda Mc Cartney Centre in Broadgreen hospital in L13 ironically enough. My management plan includes regular exercise, minimal sugar, plenty of water, a number of supplements and not having your fur baby ripped apart by another dog with a history of dangerous behaviour and then not being harassed by the owner of that dog.
I cannot articulate the degree that Speedy G’s death has impacted our lives- emotionally, mentally and physically. I am currently knee deep in the worst flare that I have had in years which puts a toll on me and my family. Chronic fatigue has a massive effect on mental health- depression and anxiety mostly. So with my anxiety already through the roof this ‘poo bug’ has now threatened me and intimidated my child- anxiety= off the charts. Having lost one baby and one fur baby I have no guarantees about the safety of my Gracie Gumdrops. The one thing I felt I could do to make myself feel somewhat safe was buy a few cheap cameras from Curry’s and this invasive parasite seeks to take that small comfort from me now too.
One might ask, why he cares so much? Surely if you are not doing anything sussy or illegal you would not be bothered about who was watching you? If you were, for example banned from doing something and you were doing it frequently I could understand your concern but if you are an otherwise upstanding member of society who just happens to have a dog with savage tendencies that why would you be worried? In an oxymoronic twist, the ‘poo bug’ now seems confused about who is the wronged party and which party has had morally reprehensible behaviour.
‘Can I come in, don’t worry, you are not in any trouble?’
Yes, of course you can officer. Let us discuss my CCTV and the reason why I got the CCTV in the first place. Please come in and speak to my child, the child who is different now than she was 5 weeks ago, come and speak to her because your presence offers her reassurance. I invite you to enter our home to work with us as we seek to drive out what has invaded our home and our community.
Justice for Speedy G 