Well, the short answer is that we cannot afford to because the irresponsible behaviour of one person has left us £10,000 in the hole.
The long answer is another questions- why should we?
The conversation and the ensuing ‘mom heart wrench’ came about on a casual Saturday while I was folding the perpetual washing and Grace was playing with her Barbies. She dropped this bomb on me- ‘Mammy, why can’t we just move?’. We have lived here in this house, our haven, our corner of the sky since before she was born. We have never even talked about moving so I was not sure where she had got the idea from. After a bit of further questioning it turns out that my four year old is afraid that the man responsible for the death of Speedy G will escalate and hurt her mum or dad.
Throughout my adult education- university, teacher training, youth work training, we came back time and time again to good old Maslow and his hierarchy of needs. Stood in my bedroom clutching my husband’s novelty underpants I was struck by the horrifying idea that Grace may never achieve self- actualisation because currently she is being denied the second tier of the hierarchy of needs- safety and security.
Grace has had a pretty good existence up to this point. She is well loved, has many friends, good family relationships, lives in a nice community. She might have felt sadness or frustrations but all within the normal range of a fairly normal family. Gerard and I have guided through her life so far trying to give her the appropriate tools and skills to deal with the cards of life as she is dealt them. Until April 15th.
On the 15th of April, when Speedy G was attacked, Grace learned about worry, true concern for someone you love. She learned about uncertainty as she waited with us for the vet the phone with an update. The following day she learned about loss, about pain and about grief. In the days that came after, my child, my beautiful rainbow baby learned a few more harsh lessons. She learned that some adults can be really, really mean, for no good reason. She learned that some grown ups will never take responsibility for their actions. She learned that some men can threaten and abuse women in the street. She learned that mum and dad can and will cry and sob and be angry. She learned that although we told her positive behaviour equals positive consequences, some people can have negative behaviour and have absolutely zero negative consequences.
In her whole life, whenever she felt sad or unsure she always reached out for Speedy G. As a rescue dog we were never sure about how he would behave with her but he fell in love with her as soon as she came home. That dog knew, for sure, what we have loved and lost and lived through to get to the point where we brought that little big headed baby home. When I look at her baby pictures now there is barely a snap of her where you cannot see his little tail or a paw or a snout. He lived for the moment her heard her coming home from school, bouncing up to the window to catch a glimpse of her. As soon as she saw his shiny snout through the blinds and called his name he would be at the door like a coiled spring, ready to shower her with kisses.
Now that is shattered for her. I see her now always keeping one eye on his house should he come out. When he comes out with the dog that savaged Speedy G I see the confusion in her little face. The other day she was playing on her scooter and he came out of his house- she was on one side of him and I was on the other and I could see the terror and the panic in her gorgeous face.
She asks me why this man is so hateful and so mean and I have no mature answer for her. Perhaps he is culmination of a confluence of harsh events but I neither know nor care.
The death of Speedy G was brutal enough, the dirty invasion of our grief with his intimidation and harassment was even more savage but I feel now like he forced my hand as a parent. I have been backed into a parental corner and am having to answer questions about things that I am not prepared for. He has forced my child to feel and experience things she should not be dealing with at four years of age.
And at four, she will remember these experiences now and she will remember the explanations we give her. It sounds dramatic but it is true- what he has done has sullied her childhood. Seeing him parading his dog past our house, watching his film us, hearing him roaring at me in the street, being frightened when he makes scary faces at her and seeing all that go unpunished makes a liar out of Gerard and I and Disney movies when we tell her that bad people will be punished and good things happen to good people.
But Grace is so inherently kind that she worries about how he treats his dog, she worries that he is as nasty to his partner as he has been to her and I, she worries that he will hurt someone she cares about, she worries that the dog will attack another dog she cares about, she worries, she worries, she worries. She is four, she should not be worrying!!!!
‘Mammy, why can’t we just move?’
‘Because this is our home Grace and we love living here, Speedy G loved living here. We cannot run away from bullies, we must stand our ground and show them that it is they who are not welcome. We are entitled to stay here in our home and to feel safe and although you are struggling with that right now, you have to have faith that his behaviour will catch up to him and that the police will keep us safe.
And also, I hate packing.’
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Kind RegardsNicola Karunaratne-DiverAdministrator
St Helens DC1-2 Lock Street,St HelensWA9 1HS
01793 6897
Justice for Speedy G 